Couples & Jealousy

I work with many couples, and although sometimes I work in tandem with another therapist (one therapist per person), most of the time I work on both people, one after the other the same day or each person on a different day. Ironically, getting to the point of being a couple's massage therapist may require some psychology.

First impressions count, so for therapists who usually wear yoga outfits when they work, I would say that dressing more conservatively (wear a t shirt instead of a tank top, looser pants instead of ones that show off your yoga body) on a first appointment also helps set the tone for a neutral professional atmosphere. It should not matter, but sometimes, it does.

Jealousy is wanting something you don't have or think you can't have, but if you actually receive the object of your desire, suddenly the jealousy disappears, so it may be best to work on the woman first so that she knows your work. If you are a woman therapist working on the man in a couple, jealousy from the woman in the couple may surface. If you want to continue to be the therapist for the man, you must make the woman feel comfortable or you will not only lose her as a potential client, but you may also lose the man as a client. I highly recommend at least talking to the other spouse so that they see you and have a sense of your professionalism (and you as a person).

The jealousy usually has more to say about the relationship between the people in the couple than about the therapist, so always be as neutral as possible. When someone is possessive or uncomfortable with another person working on their spouse, their feelings usually have nothing to do with the therapist. One woman came in during a session as I was working on her husband to "see how he was doing", but actually she came in to see what I was doing with him (I was working on his neck). Her appearance was obviously an excuse to check up on him, which made sense to me much later when I learned that she was having an affair at the time (they have since divorced). A few clients have stayed in the room during the entire session with their spouse, and one actually wanted to film me as I was working on one of them (I said no).

Sometimes the jealousy has nothing to do with possible attraction, but is more about professional skills. A professional is always more proficient (hopefully) in helping ease pain or give comfort than a spouse giving their significant other a massage. I referred my therapist (a man) to a girlfriend whose husband got jealous when she enjoyed the professional therapeutic work more than the home massages her husband gave her; she cleverly resolved this issue by getting her husband a massage with my therapist so he could experience what she received.

He is not jealous anymore.